Ooooo, what's that smell? OOooOOOOO What's that smell? (To the tuen of Lynyrd Skynyrd's "That Smell"

So as I promised myself that I wouldn't just turn this into some soapbox, I am not going to just generally bitch about the suck that is Tech. However I feel that the issue I am about to discuss can be agreed on by every single student at Tech because, well frankly, it has probably affected every student here at one point in time or another. Personal Hygiene. Let's be honest, unless you're a freshman that hasn't ridden a Stinger and avoids all peoples of varying ethnicities, you have more than likely (at Tech more than probably) had to deal with someone that decides personal hygiene is the least of their worries. Some goes as far as to explain that it is more efficient to not bathe or use deodorant because "it saves time and hassle". Well this is true, but for all those Techies that get off to math on a regular basis (i.e. "that guy/gal" in your Calc or Diff EQ class) lack of personal hygiene becomes an inversely proportional exponential function. As personal hygiene decreases time for other activities increases, however, the rate at which people like myself hate you along with the general populous and wish you would throw yourself into a vat of bleach and Dawn exponentially increases. My point being there is no excuse to not take 15 minutes out of their mornings to shower, hell, even put on some damn Old Spice or Axe to make themselves that much closer to being socially acceptable. Now to be fair I am going to go and be "culturally sensitive" and say that if it is against your religious beliefs and practices to bathe regularly than I have no problem with that, but if it is culture you say, well then FUCK YOU. This is America, we have a culture here too, one that take personal hygiene very seriously and sees it as not only a socially acceptable but more importantly a NECESSARY action of daily life. I don't know how these people would feel if I just stopped using toilet paper and never washed my hands and then sat next to them on the bus (the smell might be equivalent) but I'm sure it would fall somewhere near in the realm of how I do and others do when they decided to say "Fuck Off!" to showering. Basically what I am getting at is that if you come to the United States to go to college, then do yourself a favor and acclimate to the culture and do us all a favor by showering. The funnier part of this smelly business though is that the majority of the people I've had the pleasure of experiencing the scent equivalent of Ipecac were white people. Yes, which is funny because you would think they would care about their personal appearance and hygiene (check out Stuff White People Like's website if you don't believe me) but sadly they care more about their WoW Raid Guild than their toothbrush. I know what you're thinking too, yes J.D. I agree that all the smelly white people are hardcore video game nerds and believe socializing is talking to people over TeamSpeak or saying "you're gay" to people on youtube. Well if you disagree with that than you're a fucking idiot and political correctness will more than likely get you killed one day or just make you hated by everyone (yes you will become "That Guy" that is a politically correct douchebag). I hate to name call as I don't want to put myself on the same level as O'Reilly but I have seen several of these people come from a familiar place know to all as Psi Oops (Psi Upsilon for all those non-Greek people). I have no idea what goes on in their labyrinth of endless LAN parties and to-the-ceiling stacked empty pizza boxes (complete with Mountain Dew Code Red cases) but I'm certain it is NOT showering. Seriously I have smelled people's boots after Marine week that smelled better than these people. So to sum it up, if you decide, by some bat-shit insane and retarded logic that you are not going to shower then do people who actually have a general concern for their personal appearance a favor and don't ride the bus and don't be afraid if it rains, it's just nature's way of saying you need a shower.

"Eat it!": My Journey Through a Typical Tech Dining Hall

So it would happen that I was forced to eat at the dining hall. I live on West campus, which to many, seems like a blessing when it comes to the dining hall situation, but I say neigh. I get a lot of comments such as "Woodruff is good though." or "It's better than Shitty Britty's" with a big fat LOL added on to the end of each comment. Arguments on which dining hall have occurred and have escalated to such levels on par with a family blood feud and the Crusades, yet I think it is a pointless and stupid argument for the sake that a simple, well known fact comes into play, Tech's food/dining facilities suck, plain and simple. It doesn't matter which dining facility carries Lucky Fucking Charms or which let's you get two burgers or one, because in all likelihood, each is equally capable of giving cancer or some terminal illness from how shitty it really is. Don't even argue because it's pointless, as I stated earlier. People who argue this fact fit into the category of persons who deny the lunar landings, people who deny the holocaust, and Tom Cruise. Let me start off with the grill. If anyone has seen them cook a burger before at a dining hall and eaten it, you should probably track back to your childhood and see if you ate any chips coming from a house's paint. First they start out with some low grade, formed and frozen patties, oh well that seems pretty normal for a redneck cookout, but it gets worse, oh does it get worse (much like that time you we're watching Little Miss Sunshine, waiting for it to get funnier - also Nicholas Cage movies).

I mean business here

Not only do they grill the shitty burger patties, but then take a bucket of water/grease mixture and throw them in them to baste until you request what is equivalent to eating that stuff that melted the bad guy in Robocop.

The end result of consumption of Tech dining hall food

So they take old, grease soaked burgers and then serve it to you on a nice bun and expect you to eat it. Now, most are ranting, raving, incoherently speaking in tongues that the dining halls serve other dishes which can be delightful. Again, I would have to strongly disagree much like O'Reilly disagrees with 99.9% of the population (sometimes himself).

Something O'Reilly would say, and then disagree with

These main dishes are a chance at Tech to redeem itself from it's greased covered heart attacks, yet the fail continuously. Many of these dishes are "cultured" meaning of foreign origin because Tech is all about diversity and stuff, and with a population so diverse it would make the massive immigration to America during the early twentieth century jealous it makes sense. Here's the thing though, Tech dining hall cooks/employees/covert agents of the evil tobacco industry don't even take the time to learn about the culture, let alone how to properly prepare the dish, which generally leads to disgust and something that could only be described through gestures and incoherent screaming.

...also

But aside from these failures in "Indian Cuisine" and "Teriyaki Tofu Stir Fry" there is a whole new level of hell that exists within the dining hall which is employee interfacing. I've met only one nice dining hall employee at my brief stay so far at Tech, and that was at Brittain, but don't get your hopes up. The dining hall staff experience can only be described as a sarcastic and verbally abusive journey/assault on your general personality, character, pride/manhood, etc. Woodruff is notorious for this affront to manners and restaurant tact. Employees of Woodruff either reply at requests with shakes of the head with a disappointed look that would make Paris Hilton's and Lindsay Lohan's fathers jealous

and that's a weighty comparison

or a rude, caustic remark usually along the lines of "No, now whatdya want?" "Get out of line!" or the classic "...(gives murderous and contemptuous look tht would strike fear into Conan the Barbaian's heart)...". Either way, Tech's dining hall experience is more than a remedy for the day to day anal reaming Tech classes give you, because hey, who doesn't want a nice, lukewarm, delightfully untasty meal to sit down to at the end of the day while being offended by the staff? And the best thing about this whole mess is the fact that most people pay for it, and pay alot. Most meal plans run over a thousand dollars, which if you consider it, you could pay for a nice S&M session and eat shit (literally) and you would probably enjoy it more than the dining hall experience, at a cheaper cost to your pitiful existence. Either way, Tech's dining halls have forever ruined the cafeteria experience, and partial destroyed the joy of eating food.

Roughly how GT Dining has treated me/the general student population

First Week Back At Tech So Far PT. 1

So, a new school year begins, bringing more tests, unexpected (although by now they should be expected) failing grades, more freshman guys and girls, with an emphasis on more guys. I've noticed several things so far being back at Tech and not being a freshman: 1.) I have an apartment now, which makes me realize that my dorm last year was probably less luxurious than a Vietnamese Prison Cell, 2.) Freshman this year seem more nerdy than we were, which is amplified by the fact that most of them participate in the early year GT Housing-sponsored parties, socials, and other excuses to make socially-atrophied Tech freshman "get out there and meet people!" because "open doors make great floors" even when the majority of freshman are out of their rooms either at class, the library, or partying/rushing along Frat Row. 3.) Why the hell is traffic so bad this year compared to last? If there was construction going on it'd be only slightly less unreasonable, but I've yet to see any which leads me to my fourth observation 4.) Freshman are incredibly dumb this year. As much as I hate-love to rag on specific groups of people, the freshman, so far, deserve this. I have a question, why can't you freshman use a crosswalk? I've seen more freshman cross the street at non-crosswalk areas than the entire population of Tech using crosswalk areas. Freshman, stop it, NOW, not only are you holding up traffic but you are in fact making it worse for yourselves in terms of our opinions on your intelligence and legitimacy as human beings. 5.) Another complaint against the freshman this year is they need to learn where stuff is around campus and how the bus system works. While I myself was a freshman last year, I at least took the time to familiarize myself with the campus before going to class, mainly because I wanted to make it there on time, not look like an idiot, and generally meet people other than by asking for directions to the Student Center. I've seen countless freshman flag a bus down like a taxi cab, run after the bus, fail to see the large group of sane, intelligent people waiting at a bus stop (who's ever heard of that? I though most public transportation systems personally catered to everyone's needs and location, much like a Thai Masseuse). Also, these freshman get on the bus and ask "Is this the (insert colored route here) that goes to (insert desired destination here)?" Which the bus driver 9 times out of 10 replies "No" which therein the Freshman replies with "Well when is the (insert colored route again) going to be here?" which results in a confusing lecture, mostly on the freshman's side. This nuisance has already made me late to one class because it took 10 minutes for the kid to understand that the bus driver A.) Doesn't know what time which bus is coming next and B.) doesn't care about where you're going nor wishes to give you directions because you're an adult know and expected to have already figured that out before you use the system. So far I am pretty sure that my freshman annoyances will increase in severity as the years go on, but I'm still fairly enraged. I've still yet to understand how Tech manages to find the dumbest smart people on the planet and concentrate them into a few square miles of campus. As for now, I'm going to try and make it to class without telling some freshman that he or she is a failtacular of common sense. Till then, fellow Jackets...

- J.D.

To whom it may concern

Well seeing as this is my initial post here, I believe an introduction is in order. I, James Hendrix, sophomore, errr umm, correction, "2nd year" at GT, am here to provide a gentle and informative peek into the day to day grind of Georgia Tech.

Your social life at Tech: registers on the nano scale

While I am most definitely not the first and although many have come before me, and most assuredly many will come after me, all of the topics, opinions, rants, documentaries, depressingly uneventful autobiographies and results of human testing in ethanol consumption will more than likely peak your interest and find yourself agreeing in laughter, also rage. So please, if you are so inclined, sit back, relax, return your seat to the upright and locked position, and make sure your sanity is securely stowed for this endeavor into what is the life (or lack thereof) that is Georgia Tech.

- J.D.